Month: June 2024

Well, she did it. We did it. After what felt like the longest day ever, Landon finally got her first of two Osia implants. I feel like a lot of people say this- but her team was absolutely incredible and beyond impressive. From her awesome ENT to the phenom anesthesiologist, and her nurses and those observing- it was exactly the experience you’d want your baby to have.

She was her bravest self, not breaking down once, as her team inevitably rolled her out of the room away from us. In that instant, I was so grateful for her dad’s strength as I finally broke with it all finally hitting me. And so…. we began the waiting game.

Finally, finally, finally, we got a report that she’d done amazing. They even got a great view into her airways for a fuller picture of her anatomy (important for TCS kiddos), and we got to sit with her while she napped off the party pack they’d given her. A comical redressing ensued, and my drive home was like toting a newborn baby- I think I went 15? And after a good sleep at home, we all collectively exhaled for the first time since 12:30 the day before.

Resting comfortably, Bluey on repeat, toys from friends and family filling her room, we now focus on perfecting the couch potato. Thank you for the love and prayers- we felt every one 😘💕✨🫶 #cochlear #cochlearkids #cochlearosia #treachercollins #microtia

After what felt like the fight of all fights, our collective family’s diligent and unrelenting hard work paid off — and we are insurance approved as of last Friday. To be honest, I’d just about run out of hope. The only thing left to do had been done, the final faxes sent, old audiology records located at 4:30 that morning, so later when I got the texts, phone calls and emails of approval – it felt surreal. I had steeled myself for the worst- allowing the cortisol and anxiety to lodge themselves in my bones. But after celebrating our oldest’s sweet 8th grade graduation, we got to continue the celebration with more happy tears. As relief started to spread, and I finally took the deepest of deep breaths, we could turn to what comes next – the actual procedures kicking off this Friday.

It is important to marvel for a moment at the incredible win that was won. The appeal collectively took at least 22 people to win, was won only with the insurance company’s medical review board meeting to allow their first exception and approval for this type of hearing aid implant. Her step mom was nothing short of phenomenal for all she did, and I’ll forever be grateful for the people that helped us. So now we are just days away from her first of two Osias.

Amidst the celebration, it’s also important to point out- while amazing, needed, and life changing- our baby is having surgery again. In the seven months since booking these two surgeries, I knew in the back of my mind that I’d eventually have to prepare for them. But with her spirits soaring high with mere mention of the new implants, and art therapy serving her incredibly well, I didn’t let my own fear linger for long these past months. And then as the weeks crept toward June 7, we suddenly had to divert every ounce of our inertia and brain power to this appeal. There simply wasn’t room for a single ounce of fear of the surgery when we were repeating multiple times a day the immeasurable benefits these implants will afford her. The improvements to her life became our mantra. And now as the appeal dust has settled and the paperwork in order, in just a few days we’ll drive to the hospital for the first of the two surgeries that we’ve been thinking about for just shy of eleven years.

Bo asked me how I was doing today and I admitted for the first time that anxiety is nearby… it’s never not there… I just haven’t let myself think about it. I can sense it in my mind, like it’s an actual creature hiding behind a bunch of stuff in an attic. I know it’s there, I can feel it lurking just like in the days leading up to her other surgeries when she was little- but back then she didn’t notice any of that. The impending sense of losing control, of watching her go into the room and then the out of body experience we feel until we see her face again- it’s in a few days. But unlike before, she’s older, more aware of me and my emotions, actions and words. She is astute of my sensibilities, of my face, and my tone. So if I let anxiety in, then it’s like inviting it into her mind as well.

In my incessant preoccupation with preparing for what comes afterwards- all the food and games and books and treats I rambled on about today- Landon got quiet as the day wore on. Too much is just too much, and turns out that tweens actually prefer sometimes to just listen to Noah Kahan instead of listening to their mothers prattle on as I mask my anxiety with action oriented online ordering of random crap.

If I’ve learned anything since her very first surgery at six months old- when I came out of my own skin with absurd worry- it’s that this girl is resilient as hell. That we didn’t arrive at these decisions lightly, or without a fight, and that we can be at peace that she’s in the best of hands. And anxiety will show himself, but he won’t take control. I am in fact older, wiser, and more practiced at this. And fear doesn’t have to be something I hide from, it is a part of raising a beautifully rare child but it’s not everything. And these implants will be just the start of a beautiful new chapter in her life – from which I can’t wait to see what else is to come.

Oh, and TCS friends, I’ll post soon on what the appeal entailed, what we did and what to try in the hopes that we can help others along the way.

Until Friday, friends….

XOXO,

Eloise